A Tale of Taxation

Posted by Erik Moshe on Wednesday, October 9, 2013 Under: Rhymed Verses

Winners never quit, and quitters never win. - Vince Lombardi

"Why'd you kill yourself, Abe?" said a deep, celestial voice
"Before you rest in the void, do explain your measure of choice"
Abe squinted through the blinding light,
looked around like 'Why is hell so plain?'
considering the lack of brimstone suspicious. Bullet-hole in his skull leaking yet felt no pain
Abe stammered back, "Wait, are you God? Well...I mean...I just gave up.
I was bankrupt, I was shamed, stuck in such a restrained rut...
I guess it's too late, huh?
My wife stabbed me in the back... not literally, I hid the kitchen knives
Told me to eat shit & die,
she took the kids & vied to never return, it was a stiff surprise
I stared down the barrel for what seemed like millennia
and the red imp on my shoulder blade chirped: "Nobody will remember ya."
I was a has-been, blasted, a hopeless, self righteous freak..."
then God interrupted, "Abe, there is a certain individual I think you'd like to meet"
Out of the clouds strolled another Abe, a mirror image yet dressed nice and sleek
He had a sad look in his eyes -- Abe thought angrily, what did this imposter look to provide!?
His other self spoke gently,
"I got back together with our wife, reclaimed the business and kids"
"What?! How?"
"You weren't bankrupt, dumb ass. All you had to do was file the simplest shit."
"Is that so?" asked Abe, tears welling up, he grew dizzy & started to sway
screamed and cursed frantically, "Those IRS scam artists will PAY!"
"Listen Abe, it's over now. This is my life now. You've been there."
All of a sudden the devil whispered and a pistol appeared out of thin air
"Abe, I know what you want to do with that gun," said God
The Devil interjected "...and if you don't, you'll be hellishly bored!"
Abe replied "I have no reason to exist on Earth, nor this dimension no more"
He raised the gun to his temple and ...
"NOOOO!!!" cried his other self,
and in attempt to save Abe he took a bullet to the chest & fell to the floor

The most curious thing happened when Abe vanished from the afterlife, back to his house
His kids were fast asleep, & there were no bloodstains splashed on the couch
Abe exhaled with relief, felt immense joy, but then there was a malicious twitch at his mouth
"...it appears I've reincarnated in order to invest in a purpose..."
On his lap was his old pistol. He locked and loaded, headed for Internal Revenue Service.

In : Rhymed Verses 

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